


I don't remember

by KBlack_asthesun



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Castiel & Dean Winchester - Freeform, Destruction, Hurt Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 07:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20775053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KBlack_asthesun/pseuds/KBlack_asthesun
Summary: There is a slight breeze that brings with it the faint smell of ash and burning wood. Through his eyelids, the first thing Cas can feel is the setting sun. The feeling when you are directly in the sunlight and you feel the warmth and golden glow on your face. It feels rejuvenating and peaceful at the same time. He tries to open his eyes but has to hastily close them again. The setting sun peeking through the broken stained-glass window is too bright.





	I don't remember

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a bigger story that just popped into my head a while ago. I keep getting those flashes of different events taking place in this weird world and so I started to write some of them down. This is one of them. I have no clue if I will add more snippets or if I ever get to finishing this story, but I thought I'd share something and see what people thought. Both the story and my writing. 
> 
> When those ideas started coming to me, I had no specific characters in mind. I am a big fan of Supernatural tho, so my head conjured up this mixed image of Dean and Castiel as the main characters. Or people who I feel are heavily influenced by those two. So here I am, writing this story as a fanfic about my two favorite fictional characters :) 
> 
> This specific scene came to me when I accidentally landed on this <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPlK5HwFxcw>
> 
> \---
> 
> English is not my native language, so I apologize for any horrible language mistakes I make. I consume a lot of English media daily and my work is mostly also in English which makes me feel more comfortable with it than my own language. Plus I think I'd like to write to a more wider audience. You are welcome to correct me if you see anything that requires it. Especially any hideous crimes against grammar (there is only so much Word notices).

There is a slight breeze that brings with it the faint smell of ash and burning wood. Through his eyelids, the first thing Cas can feel is the setting sun. The feeling when you are directly in the sunlight and you feel the warmth and golden glow on your face. It feels rejuvenating and peaceful at the same time. He tries to open his eyes but has to hastily close them again. The setting sun peeking through the broken stained-glass window is too bright.

Cas moves his right hand, with some difficulty, above his head to help shield his eyes from the bright light. Slowly he opens his eyes again and the first thing he sees once his eyes have adjusted is the vibrancy of the light. While the light coming through the shagged holes in the glass is golden, the stained glass around it paints the rest in vivid violets, reds, blues and greens. The rustling of the leaves outside the window makes the colors come alive and dance all around. It looks beautiful and mesmerizing. One could lose himself in this light show. A certain calm settles itself over the man and he just stare through the window.

Slowly but surely, he starts to take notice of his surroundings once another, stronger breeze flies past him and ruffles his hair and clothes. How he did not notice it as the first thing, is beyond him, but his head is pounding. The hand blocking the sun is full of scratches and bruises and is slightly bleeding. When he flicks his tongue over his chapped lips, he gets a coppery taste. Blood is running down his face or was at some point. _Great_, he thinks.

Then, suddenly, it hits him. Everything that happened the day before. It was a series of sliding images going through his mind with the speed of a fighter jet. Images from the moment he had touched the crystal to his fight with the elders as well as Dean running through the night after him. He had wanted to get away from all of it.

A shot of intense pain ran suddenly through his head and he grabbed it with his hands and started to whimper. He did not want to do it. This is not how he imagined his life to become. He did not want to hurt the people he cared for the most. He did not want to hurt Dean.

“No…” came out of his mouth, barely a whisper.

“No, no, no, no, no...!” Cas started to repeat this one word like a mantra, getting louder each time._ THIS cannot be happening! _He thought as the pain intensified and he felt tears starting to form. The pain only got worse. It was like someone was poking in his brain with a sharp stick or a knife. An intense sharp pain. He wanted it all to go away.

“NOOO!” he cried out as the tears started to flow freely. He was crouching down on himself. His legs started to wobble. He landed on his knees and was now crying. How was he supposed to deal with all of this? Everything went south so quickly that he had almost no time to adjust to things changing around him. Finding out of his heritage, the prophecy, the meaning of his stupid tattoo that he had gotten on a whim... _On a WHIM!_ With Dean… _Oh no, Dean!_

Cas opened his eyes in panic and his head shot up suddenly as if struck by lightning. The sudden movement made his head hurt again, but at this point, he did not care. Dean was with him yesterday. Dean had come running after him to… to try to talk to him. But what happened? _I don’t remember! _There had been this intense pain in his back again where his wings were and then suddenly everything had gone up in flames.

Panic rose in his stomach. He started frantically looking around. The building with the broken stained glass - _A church?_ Was destroyed. Scorched. Like there had been an intense fire. Everything smelled burnt. The chairs standing left of him were scattered around and burnt black. Partially burnt papers and books were lying everywhere around him.

He tried to stand up while leaning one hand on the table in front of him. He stumbled when it gave away under his weight and he landed back on his knees. “FUCK!”

Trying his best to ignore the sharpness of the pain in his head and now his right knee, he got up and started looking around. Destruction. That’s what was all around him. While he has enjoyed the smell of burning wood in a campfire, here, it tasted bitter. Again, a breeze flew past him and when he turned to look at the door he gasped. The whole back wall where the door used to be was missing. _What did I do? _He just stood there and stared with a blank expression through the wall into the forest in front of the building. Something big had happened.

_Dean!_ He suddenly remembered and started to move. He shuffled through burnt beams that had fallen from the roof, scattered parts of tables and chairs. Shards of glass from the windows were cracking under his heavy boots.

“Dean!” he called out. He was sure that his friend had followed him. The memory is still fuzzy, but he remembers an argument. A heated argument. But did it happen here or before he got here? He remembers anger. He was so angry. Angry at himself. Angry at the elders. Angry at his father and mother. Also angry at Dean. But for the life of him he does not know why.

Dean had been on his side when he went to face the town elders. He had stood with him when they had told him that he has to leave. That he was not welcome anymore. He did not want to go. This was not his fault. Why should he leave his home?

A loud crack came from behind him when a section of the second story balcony fell near the north wall. It stirred up a lot of ash and dust and Cas started to cough. The ash stuck in his throat and stung his eyes. He wanted to drink something. His mouth was as dry as a desert and his throat started to hurt. _Where was Dean? _He looked around.

Suddenly, there he saw it. Sticking out from below a heap of burnt rubble was a hand. Not just any hand. He felt utter panic as he recognized Dean’s silver ring. A ring that was the only thing left from his mother, his actual mother. Most likely a family heirloom that Dean never separated from. The only memory of his actual family he had left.

Before he had even a conscious thought, Cas’s feet started to run towards the pile. He fell over some chairs and cut his hand on a broken glass on the floor, but he did not care. Dean was under the rubble. _He cannot be dead!_ Was the only though hammering through his head. _No!_

Once he reached what looked like another part of the former balcony, he quickly started to move away. The panic and anxiety growing with each piece of burnt wood he moved.

“Dean! Dean, can you hear me? … Dean, please! Can you hear me??” he cried out, but no answer.

He felt tears forming again. _This is not happening_. “Dean please! Please! Can you hear me? DEAN!”

Now he was fully on crying. His hands were starting to shake. He was already exhausted, mentally and physically from the events of last night and whatever happened here. His heart was beating frantically as he was pushing and pulling the rubble. The beams felt like they were getting heavier each time he moved one of them. When the last one barely moved a centimeter, he stopped and fell to his knees. Cas took Dean’s hand in his. It was cool, not cold, but cooler than it should be.

“Dean, please! Please, can you hear me?” Still nothing. He tried to find a pulse point, but his hands were shaking so bad that he was unable to feel anything. _This cannot be happening. Please, in the name of Ser’al, please be alive. I cannot do this alone_. He is crying again. His eyes were stinging and the sharp pain in his head got more intense. _I can’t lose you too. Please, Dean. _

He was looking at Dean’s hand through his tears. It had a big cut on the back, dried blood around it. One of his fingers seemed broken as it was bent in an odd angle. There was still some dark soil under his fingernails from yesterday when they went to change some of the soil around the oak tree behind Cas’s house that they had planted when they were kids. It had been a split-second decision to buy the young tree sapling from the old guy at the market. They wanted to get acorns to build small animals with them. The ones they usually made at school with matches. The tree had grown significantly in the past 15 years. His younger sister had spilt a can of paint next to the tree and they wanted to change the soil so that the toxins of the paint would not hurt the tree young tree.

More tears flowed as her remembered how happy they had been about the tree. “A symbol of our friendship!” a 10-year-old Dean declared when they finally planted it, standing proudly next to it, hands on his hips with a huge grin on his face. A sappy idea he had gotten from a book where a king used an oak tree in his coat of arms to symbolize strength, endurance and wisdom.

Cas was unable to move. He was down on his knees, head bowed. Tears were streaming down his face and landing on Dean’s hand that was still cradled between his. Dean was not moving. The always energetic and I-can’t-stand-in-one-place-too-long-or-i-will-lose-my-mind Dean was not moving. Cas’s eyes flicked over the amount of debris that was still piled over his friend and in that moment, he lost all hope. It started to sink in that his best friend was gone. Never to come back and make those stupid jokes he liked so much or go travel together to discover new places. His friend would never join him. His heart stopped and he went rigid. _He is gone..._

Cas closed his eyes and his mind went blank. There was nothing. No though, no sorrow, no emotion. Suddenly there was a strong gust of wind. It stirred up dust and ash that started to strongly whirl around them. It got stronger and stronger, and now started to pick up small pieces of debris. Cas did not move as the structures still standing around him started to make cracking noises and swaying dangerously. The wind got even stronger and with all the dust flying around, Cas disappeared within the cloud.

Everything started to shake and the roof, or what was still left, started to fall. There was a loud crash and suddenly all the remaining glass on the windows shattered. It felt like a strong earthquake, yet the ground was not moving. It was as if the remains of the building wanted to come down on themselves, struck with the sorrow of losing a dear friend. The west wall started to crumble and in a matter of seconds, most of it was gone. The sunlight was blocked out by the heavy dust flying around and what was kicked into the air by something falling to the ground. And as suddenly as it had started, it stopped.

Once the dust settled, Cas was still kneeling, but from his back, the two large black wings had emerged. Sunlight was now directly falling on him as the roof was now completely gone. His wings shimmered with a tint of blue in the light as they moved with the slight breeze.

Cas opened his eyes. For a moment he stared at Dean’s hand and then placed it down on the ground. He stood up. His mind and eyes were blank as he stared at the rubble pile in front of him. He lifted his hand midway to a beam only to take it back and put it on his chest, feeling the crystal through the fabric of his shirt where it was hanging near to his heart. For a moment, he just looked in front of him. He closed his eyes only to open them again. They were shining blue for a second and then, as if getting back his eyesight, he blinked them twice.

“Give me strength,” he whispered quietly, squeezing the crystal slightly and then stepping forward. He placed a hand on the burnt debris that looked like the railing of the balcony and parts of the roof. He slowly closed his eyes and lifted his head to face the sun. For a moment nothing happened. Everything around was serene, a stark contrast to the destruction that had happened just moments before. The feathers on his wings started moving again as the wind started around him pick up.

When he opened his eyes, everything started to shine bright blue. The pile in front of him started to slowly lift. He added his other hand to add more strength. His jaw clenched and his brows started to furrow, but he was determined. One by one the wood beams and parts of the balcony floor and railings started to lift. Once everything was lifted from the ground, Cas closed his eyes, took a deep breath and moved his hands forward in a sudden motion. All the debris was jolted away from him and landed outside the church are near the edge of the surrounding forest.

Everything was quiet again. Cas relaxed his stance and his hands fell to his sides. There was inner conflict. He wanted to open his eyes, but at the same time, not open them. He was afraid of seeing what was in front of him. Tears started to stream from the corners of his eyes and after a few long breaths, he slowly started to open them.

**Author's Note:**

> So... what do you think?


End file.
